Update: The Other Homes exception
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July 25, 2010 · 8 comments
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Join us as we spend the year discovering what we uncover by eliminating Disney from our lives. We are Lisa (mom), Michael (dad), F.R. (13-year-old daughter) and C.L. (9-year-old daughter).
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I don’t see this as a setback. Your children are truly internalizing your objective (wow, that sounded like teacher-speak and it’s still July). They get the point and understand. I think this will be your biggest challenge though. I doubt that you kids will be wanting to go to “other homes” just to watch Disney. That would be the real set back.
In the early days of Buddhism (and still today in some countries), nuns & monks would go door-to-door for food. Buddhists are by philosophy vegetarians, but Buddha told them they must never refuse what is offered from the kindness of someone’s heart even if it’s meat. And they would eat it. Same thing stands when invited to dine with others. These incidents seem very similar to me.
I think you made the right choices and I think it’s really great that your daughters are seriously thinking about these choices. Let them know they can watch Hannah Montana at a friend’s house without guilt.
Peter
I understand that following a sort of doctrine or lifestyle that is counter-cultural is difficult but i think the other people’s houses rule should be considered in your family, I am a vegan, everywhere I go, when people offer food I have the ability to politely refuse; when I have children they will be too, and this rule will apply everywhere and any time until they are old enough to understand and make their own dietary choice I think the monk rule doesn’t apply here because it is not a survival circumstance that supports a radical way of life like that of the Buddhists. Besides I think this rule also defeats the purpose of the whole thing a bit and will cause problems later.
Since your project seems to be about freedom of choice it is only natural that you children should also be free to chose when they are out in the world.
I can see a million questions from them on this in the near future though =)
Aida, you may be right. This might cause problems later. It would have been different if we had adopted our stance when the girls were born — then we would have established a pattern of behavior that friends would have expected from us, as you will do when your children are born.
I think the new rule is good. I agree that your children shouldn’t feel guilty about watching at other people’s houses. Being vegan is different, one child could be eating cheese and crackers while the vegan has a piece of fruit…but if a parent comes in and says “I’m going to put on Toy Story and make some popcorn”, what would a no Disney child do? Go sit in the other room? I think that would take it too far. I think you are a very thoughtful parent for not putting them in that awkward situation, so it doesn’t affect their social life. UNLESS…they feel guilty, because they really didn’t want to be watching it. In that case i think it would be good for you to talk to your daughter about how to politely tell people about her values and that she doesn’t want to watch Hannah Montana and why. Because I wouldn’t want my daughter to watch something she didn’t want to, or do anything she didn’t want to JUST because she is at someone else’s house and wanted to politely follow their rules.
I remember not being allowed to watch The Flintstones as a child because Fred was always mean to Barney and that is not right. I am curoious about your project. I always feel awkward critiquing parents because I don’t have children yet, but I have tried to be observant.
It seems to me though that your kids have a pretty good grasp of your point of view, didn’t you say it was the older one’s idea even? I think your Other Homes policy is awesome, not only for the reasons you listed but also because it helps keep the Disney stuff so taboo that they might try to hide it and they can reach a social compromise with their school peers. I remember the trouble my younger cousin had when he was banned from Harry Potter because it would turn him into a devil worshiper. Treating it like an experiment is also a an excellent way to make the year a fun learning experience that they can participate in the evaluation.
A suggestion, maybe you could send a few alternative DVDs with her when she visits others.
I wish you guys the best of luck. I will be adding you to my RSS feeder.
Oops! I miss typed the part about taboos. I meant that it was good to keep it from NOT being so taboo. There is a line between taboo/ evil / deadly things and just plain dumb and bad for you. Smoking is taboo so that’s part of the cool appeal to sneaking them at first.